tell me you love me too
by niiiiirvana
Summary: He lied to her and he broke her heart and in return, his heart was broken. But they were soul mates and he knew, he just knew that they could make it through this because he would not let them fall apart. AU Finchel
1. Chapter 1 - tell me you love too

Here's another angsty Finchel story that I hope you guys enjoy - It's my first one, so I pray I did Finchel good! And I promise, there's a happy ending. Reviews are love!  
This story is AU - what would have happened if Rachel never found out that Santana & Finn had sex and Finchel had a steady relationship all through high school and moved to NY together

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee  
**and the title of this story is a Jonas Brother's lyric from Can't Have You 

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_tell me you love me too_

i

They walked into Sardi's, hand in hand, wide grins on both of their faces. He couldn't ask for a better life – he had a good job working for a cover band, a good-sized apartment, a bunch of really awesome friends, and most important he had Rachel Berry. _His_ Rachel. And all of those other things could be taken away, he wouldn't care, as long as he had her he knew everything would be alright. They'd had a steady relationship since Regionals junior year and they'd graduated and everything was perfect because here they were, living out there dreams in New York City, together. Her sweet voice broke him out of his daydream.

"Finn? Where'd you go?" Rachel questioned, a small smile on her face.

He squeezed her hand tightly, rubbing his thumb gently along the side of her hand. "I was just thinking about us. About you. About how perfect you are and what a lucky man I am to have you."

He watched Rachel's face flush as they sat down at their table, her cheeks rosy and her face glowing. She smiled at him shyly, as if she was still unaware about how completely perfect she was for him. He reached over the table to caress her cheek but kept his hand tightly pressed to her skin when he felt her press her face into it, closing her eyes in contentment. She opened them quickly and smiled at him, gently taking his wrist and placing his palm against her lips, placing open-mouthed kisses all over it.

He smiled blissfully and they stared at each other from across the table, her soft lips still on his palm, perfectly happy in their little world.

"Oh. My. God."

Rachel's lips froze on his palm as he turned to see who had showed up beside their table, and made eye contact with their waitress for the night, Santana Lopez. Rachel giggled, obviously elated as seeing her.

"Santana! It's been way too long! I didn't know you moved to New York," Rachel beamed, rising out of her seat to hug Santana and smiling at Finn, urging him to do the same.

He pushed his chair out of the way and turned to face Santana, wrapping his arms around her in a friendly manner. "How's it been Santana? I'm surprised we haven't seen you here been, we try to come to Sardi's once a month." He grabbed onto Rachel's hand and pulled her close to him, snuggling his face into her neck. Her whisper of 'Finn, we're in public!' brought his face out of her warm, little neck and he made eye contact with Santana again, clearing his throat. "Uh, we come to Sardi's once a month. It's like our little tradition." He felt Rachel chuckle as her body, which was pressed tightly against his, began to rise and fall and he squeezed her waist.

Santana smiled at the obviously in love couple as they took their seats and cleared her throat to capture their attention. "It's good to see you two still together. Me and Britts…" Finn noticed Santana's face fall at the mention of Brittany, but she continued. "…I guess our love just wasn't strong enough to go the distance," she finished quietly.

Rachel let go of his hand and placed her on Santana's in an attempt to comfort her. "You'll find somebody Santana, I know you will. You're an amazing, determined, talented, gorgeous young woman with such an amazing future ahead of you and I can't think any girl in the right mind would want to pass up somebody like you!"

Finn smiled endearingly at Rachel as that spark in her, the spark that made him fall in love with her, made itself clear. She was so kind, so gentle, so perfect, even if Santana had bullied her in high school up until their last year.

Santana smiled at both of them, obviously pleased by Rachel's response. "I'm glad to see you guys go the distance though, I mean, you're gonna get married one day and have ginormous, overly dramatic babies and it will be like a perfect Finchel family." Finn grabbed Rachel's hand and watched her face spread into a wide grin that threatened to split her face in two at the mention of 'marriage' and 'babies.' It was everything they ever wanted, one day in the future when they felt more financially stable for bringing new life into the world.

Santana's eyes shot to their clasped hands. "And I'm glad to see everything is awesome with you guys, because hell knows I wouldn't have stayed with Finn after junior year, right Rachel?" She winked at Rachel, who had a confused look on her face.

"Why wouldn't I have stayed with Finn? I mean, at one awful point in my life I was with Jesse but Finn was so brave in serenading me with 'Jessie's Girl,'" Rachel paused, smiling as Finn as she thought about the song, "—and at Regional's when he told me he loved me for the first time…"

Santana laughed sweetly. "Oh yeah, all those things are sweet in comparison to the little glimpse I got of Finn in that motel room," she chuckled, nudging him in the arm. Finn paled, looking as if he was about to vomit all over their empty table while Rachel looked at Santana, her brow furrowing.

"Motel room? What…? I don't understand, I don't remember there ever being a motel room."

Santana took in Rachel's confusion and the fact that the 6'3 man looked as if he was about to die of a heart attack. "Rach—" Finn choked out.

Santana blinked rapidly, trying to take in the scene in front of her. "You never told her?" Santana growled, sneering at Finn. "You fucking lying asshole. You never told her and you've kept her thinking you were all perfect and now what Finn? Did you ever think about what would happen when she found out?"

Finn paled, his stomach twisting into knots and tears spilling from his eyes. "I'm sorry Rachel," Santana said roughly, turning away from them. "I'm sorry that you're in love with such an awful man." She stormed off, throwing the kitchen doors of Sardi's open and disappearing behind them.

Finn felt Rachel's hand become clammy in his and she pulled hers away as if his touch had burned him. With tears rolling down his face, he looked into her big brown eyes.

"What is she talking about Finn?" Rachel whispered brokenly, looking like a trapped animal.

His face fell into his hands as he sobbed quietly. "Finn, you're scaring me," she whispered. But he couldn't look at her, he just couldn't because he didn't deserve Rachel Berry. He couldn't even admit to her what had happened between him and Santana in that motel room all those years ago.

He started off softly, his face still in his hands, and his eyes looking down at the table. "Back in junior year, when you were still with Jesse and you told me you were going to sleep with him…" He heard her sharp intake of breath and looked up to see those beautiful eyes of hers filling with tears.

"You didn't," she whispered, looking into his eyes. "You didn't sleep with her Finn, you couldn't have. And even if you did, you wouldn't have kept it from me..." Rachel's voice drifted off as everything in her head clicked together and she starting sobbing in the middle of Sardi's – loudly.

Finn's head had dropped again and a steady flow of tears fell down his face. "It was so long ago," he said softly, "And I didn't want to hurt you."

She rose out of her seat, taking heavy breaths. "I don't even know you," she said quietly, brokenly. Finn looked up into her eyes that were filled with absolute heartbreak. And he knew, he just knew, that he looked exactly the same as her because he had just ruined everything. _Everything_.

She looked down at him, her eyes pleading him to say something, tell her it was just a joke or that she was dreaming or that this was just some fucked up alternate universe. But he only got up from his seat and stood in front of her, cupping her face into his hands gently before placing a soft kiss on her lips, one that he hoped showed her how deep his love for her was. She was his _world_. He tasted the salt of her tears on his lips and broke apart from their kiss, shaking her head slowly from side to side.

"I love you," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. And with a sad look in her eyes, she mouthed 'I love you,' unable to get the words out, and walked out of Sardi's, tears streaming down her face.

And he stood there, waiting for her to come back. To tell him she loved him too.

She never did.

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**Should I continue? I promise, this is a happy ending Finchel story but its angsty! Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2 - and i will try to fix you

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**  
**and the chapter title lyrics are from Coldplay's 'Fix You'**

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_ and i will try to fix you _

ii.

When Finn got home that night, after drowning in his tears on the sidewalk in front of Sardi's – _had he really been out there for three hours, just crying?_ – he entered quietly, listening for Rachel. He didn't hear a thing. You could have heard a damn pin drop, the silence was so eerie for a house usually filled with laughter. He flicked the lights on, looking for Rachel in their bedroom, in the bathroom, on the fire escape. But she wasn't there.

And that's when his heart started racing madly.

"Rachel!" Finn called out, scared out of his wits. Had she even come home? Where was she? What if, because of _him, _some guy on the streets had taken her while she was walking home, probably distracted by the tears _he_ caused. She would be at her most vulnerable… and what if he was hurting her? Yelling at her? Touching her all over? Planting unwanted kisses over her face, over her body—Finn felt bile rising up his throat and ran to the bathroom, vomiting when he got to the toilet, his vomit mixed with the salty tears that were running down his face.

Because if she was out there, hurting, it was his fault. It was as plain and simple as that.

He threw up again.

He had sat down on the linoleum tile of their bathroom floor, and placed his forehead on the cold wall in front of him to gather his thoughts when he heard the front door creak open. He shot up from the floor, quicker than he ever thought imaginable, to see Rachel standing in the doorframe of the entrance, looking drained and tired and _reeking_ of alcohol.

"Rach?" Finn whispered, his voice sounding muffled.

The huge brown eyes that he had fallen in love with all those years ago – the eyes usually filled with joy, that sparkled and told so many stories – rose up from the floor to meet his. And they were dead. They were lifeless and cold and he didn't feel loved under he gaze. He felt the opposite.

"I _hate_ you," Rachel whispered drunkenly, the words hitting him like a slap in the face, as she stumbled across the room, away from him. "I hate you so much and I want you to leave." Another stab to the heart. She tripped on the floor and he ran to her, catching her in his arms before she fell. Her body was clammy and cold and she remained unresponsive to his touch, a touch she usually fell into. A touch he knew she referred to as her home.

He wrapped his arms around her and she unwillingly stood with him, their bodies mashed together. "You can't say you hate me Rachel," Finn said, his voice cracking with emotion. "It would kill me. It would _kill_ me."

She pushed him away roughly, throwing him backwards. "Like you killed me?" Rachel snarled, sending an unfeeling look at him. He blinked quickly, trying to push the tears away that were threatening to spill at any moment.

"I want you to leave Finn. _Now_." Rachel growled, enunciating the end of her sentence.

The hot tears began to pour out of his eyes. "But… this…this is my home, R-Rach," Finn began, his words coming out brokenly. "You're my home," he finished with a defeated whisper.

Rachel's body slumped over and she collapsed to the ground, onto her knees, her body shaking with heavy sobs. He hastily rushed to her crumped form, sat in front of her and wrapped his long legs around her, pulling her into her chest. She clung to him, shoving her face into his neck as her tears drenched the collar of his blue dress shirt.

"You're the only one for me Rachel," Finn breathed into her soft hair. She only started crying harder, her little hands clinging to his shirt as if he would fly away.

"I was- I was made to love you," Finn cried, his voice muffled by his own sobs. "And I won't let you go, I _won't_," he rambled on, stroking her hair and pulling her tiny body as close to his as possible, her legs beginning to wrap around his torso as she clung to him.

She pulled away from him, slowly, and looked up into his red-rimmed eyes, that were only filled with adoration for her. And even in her drunken state, she knew it was true. He really, truly only loved _her_.

And she couldn't even bear to look at him.

Rachel got up from the floor and stumbled away from him, collapsing onto the couch, her legs rolling up into her body. Finn watched her, devastated by her reaction and the fact that she didn't respond. She hadn't whispered 'I love you too," she hadn't even mouthed the words. She had just walked away, feeling the same way he did.

Heartbroken.

He got up from his crouched position on the floor carefully, rubbing his eyes burning eyes with force. He walked to their bedroom, the wooden floor creaking under his weight, and flicked on the light. The room lit up and he stepped inside, his eyes welling up with tears again as he looked around their room. _Their_ room. His and his Rachel's. His girlfriend, his future wife, the mother of his future children. His fucking _soulmate_. The person, he thinks, he was literally born to spend his life loving. And he fucked up. His whole life, he had tried figuring out his purpose – what made him special – and he had figured it out after he met Rachel. His purpose was to spend his life with her, making her happy, making her feel so, so loved. And he had fucking _failed_. He failed the one thing he thought he could do. And now she was broken, and so was he.

Finn looked around their room, filled with pictures of them laughing and smiling and kissing and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. He walked to their bedside table, sitting on her side of the bed cautiously, and picked up the picture on her nightstand.

_She sat on his lap, her legs curled up, looking at him adoringly and grinning from ear to ear. He grinned back, his arms squeezing her waist, just content to have the love of his life sitting on him. _

_And man, was he in love with her. How lucky was he, only 19 years old and so damn in love with the perfect girl for him. And now they were in New York, and they were living together and this was just perfect because they were perfect and she was perfect and the world was just perfect. _

_He knew Puck would call him an cheesy idiot, but screw Puck because Puck never knew what it was like to love someone the way he loved Rachel and he thought, if he had, he would never give that up for anything. _

_"Finn," Rachel crooned, still smiling up at him. "I love you so much." _

_He beamed at her, his heart taking on a faster rhythm in his chest. He grabbed her wrist quickly, laying her palm flat on his chest, on top of his heart. Her eyes filled with wonder at its rapid heartbeat._

_"You do this to me, you know," Finn said to her, smiling at her shyly. She pulled her palm away from his chest, pressing her cheek to it instead. "It's yours, you know." _

_She grinned, batting her eyelashes at him. "Really?" Rachel whispered, touched by his sweet voice. "Forever." Finn promised, his thumb rubbing her cheek gently. _

_She pulled away from his, kissing his lips softly before pulling out her new shiny pink camera. He snatched it from her teasingly, pressing their cheeks together so they could capture the moment. The flash went off as they smiled widely at the camera and he pulled her in for a passionate kiss, clicking the flash again as she laughed against his mouth, cupping his face with her petite hands._

He pulled himself out of the memory, rubbing his tears away roughly before reaching out to touch the picture, stroking her perfect face gently. He got up from the bed, her pillow in hand, his pillow in the other, a few blankets under his arms and one of his old McKinley shirts. Finn flicked their bedroom light off, walking towards her on the couch before rushing back into the bedroom to grab the picture of them he had been admiring. He then headed to the bathroom, grabbing some sort of makeup remover he knew she used and a couple of cotton pads for her face. He made his way over to her, hearing her soft yet jagged breaths with the occasion sniffle before sitting down beside the couch she was on, staring up at her.

"You know," Finn whispered reaching up to caress her cheek, "you are so beautiful sometimes it's hard to believe you're mine."

He heard her breath catch as she lay there and watched those huge eyes of hers open slowly. They looked different now, aside from the face that they were bloodshot from her tears. They weren't as lifeless as before. Not as filled with hatred. But not the eyes he was so used to staring into. The eyes that met his and made him feel so loved.

He stood up and put his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her into a seating position on the couch and raising her arms gently to pull her tight, mascara stained dress off of her. She quickly tried putting her arms down but his soft caress of her cheek made her quickly stop struggling and give her body to him. He pulled the dress off of her, trying to be as gentle as he possibly could, and quickly replaced it with the old, grey XXL McKinley shirt he knew she loved. Her eyes fluttered closed, as she became encased by familiar feel of his shirt, and the overwhelmingly comforting smell of Finn, _her_ Finn and the feel of his large, rough hands floating down her body, trying to make sure the shirt was on comfortably. She slowly wrapped her tiny hands around his fingers, trying to convey the message that she was comfortable. He nodded slowly, as if he were in shock by her calm reaction, a flash of hope in his eyes.

Rachel watched him as he poured the makeup remover on a cotton pad and gently wiped her eyes and her nose and her cheeks, her forehead, her mouth, every touch filled with love. Her heart fluttered at the serious, concentrated look on his face as he tried so hard to be extra gentle with her. Finn wiped the cotton pad against her cheek again and she pushed her face into his hand, trying to memorize the feel of his warm skin on hers. The cotton dropped from his fingers and he cupped her cheek, closing his eyes as happiness washed over him like a tidal wave, just from holding her like this. He blinked slowly, coming back to reality, and got up, laying her pillow where her head would be on the couch and gently grabbing her waist to lay her down before he placed the heaviest blanket on top of her – Finn knew how cold she got at night if she wasn't cuddled up next to his overheated body.

Rachel sighed contentedly and watched him as he pulled his own shirt off, revealing his toned chest and defined back. Even when she was mad at him, she couldn't deny how beautiful he was. Rachel knew he was still self conscious about his body and she couldn't understand why - he was so handsome, and his body was no different. He was perfect. Finn placed his hands on his belt before he heard a voice call out, no loud than a whisper.

"Finn."

He turned around towards Rachel on the couch as she motioned for him to come towards her. He carefully stepped closer to her body and watched as her hands reached out and felt for his stomach, tracing her fingers delicately down the line of hair on his lower abdomen before unbuckling his pants, pulling the zipper down slowly and pushing the dress pants off of his body. Finn watched the pants slowly fall down his long legs before meeting her eyes, filled with that familiar tenderness he was so used to seeing. His mouth quirked up and he felt butterflies fly around in his stomach when she placed her hand on his hip, gently, rubbing it slowly, before she let it fall and placed it underneath the blanket with the rest of her body.

Finn smiled at the love of his life affectionately before pulling his pants over his sock-clad feet. He laid out a pillow and a blanket for himself directly beside the couch as she kept her gaze fixated on him. He laid down beside the couch and met her eyes with his, hoping to convey the love he felt for her before he lifted the picture he brought with him up for her to see.

"See them Rach? See how in love they are? For me, that hasn't changed. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. And I know you're mad at me and I know, although it breaks my heart to say it, that you hate me. But I will never give up on us Rachel. You're mine forever."

He tried to read those beautiful deep brown eyes of hers and he knew it when he saw it – that glimmer of hope. That sparkle in her eyes that showed him she loved him as much as he loved her. A small, dimpled smile spread across his face and he watched her cheeks redden with a faint blush.

"I love you Rachel," he breathed, placing the picture of them beside his pillow and drifting off to sleep, overcome by exhaustion. She didn't respond.

But sometime in the night, he felt Rachel take his hand in her, mumbling an 'I love you Finn,' while she rubbed her thumb gently along his hand. Hearing those words fall out of her mouth, he intertwined their fingers and his heart soared before he drifted off into a Rachel-filled dream.

When he woke up, their fingers were still laced together tightly.

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**Please review, I'd love to hear what you guys have to say! I'm thinking one more chapter after this, what do you guys think? Reviews are love xox**


	3. Chapter 3 - i want to hold your hand

thank you all for being so patient with me and thank you for the reviews. i dedicate all my stories to cory and this one is no exception. love you cory, and love all the fans of this story

**Disclaimer: Glee doesn't not belong to me and the chapter title belongs to The Beatles**

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_i want to hold your hand_

iii

She woke up first, her gaze drifting around the room, momentarily forgetting just _why _she was sleeping on the couch in her living room instead of wrapped up in the strong arms of her—oh. That's why. A soft snore interrupted her thoughts and she peeked her head over the couch, staring at the handsome boyish face that lay there. She knew she should hate him, she knew she shouldn't be staring at him like he hung the moon but how could she help it? He was utterly and completely perfect. From Finn's disheveled brown hair to his unkempt eyebrows to his perfect nose—instinctively she grazed her finger over the swoop of his nose lightly, only resulting in a deeper snore from Finn. It was only when she ran her finger softly across the bridge of his nose to count his light freckles, Finn began to stir. She was greeted with warm looking cinnamon eyes.

"Baby—" Rachel heard him mumble softly, as he shivered under her finger that fell from the bridge of his nose to his cheek, tracing his cheekbone.

It was like his voice triggered her anger again and her fingers flew off of his face as if her fingertips had been burned by touching him. Rachel flung herself off of the couch, only to fall over onto Finn, trapped inside the blanket that was tightly wrapped around her. She landed on him with a loud 'oof!' and Rachel's face rose to meet his shocked and confused expression. She tried scrambling away but Finn was too quick for that, lifting his arms from beneath the blankets and wrapping them around her tightly, trapping her inside his hold.

"I've got you," Finn whispered in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. His hand rose to her face and she let him get as far as tracing her lips with the very tip of his finger before her mind was filled with images of Finn and Santana. Finn stroking Santana's hair, Finn's loud moans and breathy sighs filling the room, Finn whispering for Santana to 'let go for him,' Finn's lips meeting Santana's in a heated kiss—things he experienced before her. Without her. Things he lied to her about. She looked at Finn, her eyes filled with hatred and heartbreak.

"If you had me, you wouldn't have done this to me. To us." Rachel spat out, jumping off of him before he had the chance to kiss away the tears that were running down her face like he always did, and slamming the door to their bedroom, leaving a crying Finn on the floor of their living room.

And her words completely shattered his heart.

He stayed on the ground sobbing, never-ending tears pouring out of his eyes before he leaped off of the ground, clad only in his boxers and sat outside of their closed bedroom door, laying his head against it.

"I love you so much Rachel," Finn whimpered over and over, his voice cracking with emotion. "I love you so much and without you, I will not be able to survive Rachel. I can't breathe without you, I can't—" His voice broke, interrupted by a loud sob that ripped through his chest. He banged his head against the door, his sobs intermingling with Rachel's on the other side of the door. And he only stopped crying so loudly when he was overcome by sleep.

Rachel listened to Finn's rambling on the other side of the door, the sincerity in his voice breaking her heart even more. She knew he loved her, she really did. But how could he lie to her so easily for all these years making her believe she was his first – the first one to see the sexy, pinched expression his face had when he came, the first to hear his moans that grew louder the further she took him into her mouth, the first to see the way his toes curled as when he reached his climax. She was nothing but a second to him. The second to experience all of those things with him. The second to learn about his body – the fact that his breath hitched when she ran her fingers up his sides, or that he practically came every time she licked that spot on his hip or the way he would moan so goddamn loud when she nibbled his earlobe.

A flash of color from his nightstand caught Rachel's attention.

She lifted the picture of her twirling in the bright blue dress she had worn on their "work date," all those years ago. She closed her eyes, picturing the moment she had seen Finn on Bow Bridge.

_She strolled towards Bow Bridge, feeling perfectly comfortable with her surroundings, even smiling at the man in front of her who was blowing large bubbles for a group of child— Finn's beautiful face came into view and she saw him looking at her, his jaw dropping and his eyes glazed over with that look of adoration and love he had when they were dating. That gaze that said 'I'm so in love with you, Rachel Barbra Berry.' And it terrified her that now, looking at him, she saw it and it made her heart speed up to an unhealthy pace. Feeling her own jaw drop, she walked towards him slowly. _

_ "Hi," Rachel said quietly, stepping in front of him, taking in his black suit and his handsome face. He never broke their gaze, his eyes filled with wonder and love and just… awe. "Hi," he replied breathlessly. She was the one to break their gaze, feeling insecure under his intense stare. "What's so important?" Rachel asked, looking anywhere but in his eyes. _

_ "Uh the-these are for you," Finn stuttered, handing her the wildflowers wrapped in colorful tissue paper. Her mouth lifted into a closed mouth smile and her knees became weak at the sweet gesture. Her sweet, sweet Finn. _

_ "I thought since, uh, we're both captains and all, we should write a duet for Nationals," Finn said, his kind eyes boring into her. _

_"The tie and flowers, Central Park?" Finn was always so kind to her when they dated – he was the perfect boyfriend. Yes, he didn't defend her when others bullied her but just that look her gave her, she knew he was just as in love with her as she was with him. But she knew how uncomfortable suits made him – he preferred to wear his jeans and a comfortable sweater. And flowers? He had never done that for her before. And it was all so romantic and Finn was never one for huge, romantic gestures, he was the silent type with the frequent, small acts of love. _

_ His mouth fell open before he quickly composed himself. "It's uh…" He looked down at the ground, hesitating. "A work date!" Finn looked up at her, a small smile on his face and she remembered her young self, nodding as he continued, "Totally professional." Because she knew it wasn't. But she loved him anyway._

It was when they had been walking later, before dinner, when the picture was captured.

_Rachel hesitantly wrapped her tiny pinky finger around his, looking away so he wouldn't see the blush that rose to her cheeks. It was a minute later, and he hadn't said anything, that she turned to face him and he was looking at their fingers, a tender smile on his face. He looked up at her, watched her watching him, before he intertwined the rest of their fingers together. And it felt just like it was meant to be. _

_A moment later, he asked an elderly couple passing them if they could take a picture of himself and "the love of his life." Rachel's cheeks burned with happiness as the old couple giggled about young love and how beautiful it was. Finn gave them his camera and pulled Rachel tight to him, smiling when the camera flashed. He twirled her in her dress, smiling happily while she laughed and neither of them noticed the camera flashing again and again as she twirled back into his arms and he gave her a soft kiss on her cheek, both of them unable to hide their smiles because this just felt natural. It felt right and.. this was the first time she felt like she was home since they broke up. That was when she knew she wouldn't be able to live without him. Because she was in New York, the place she always imagined she called home. But it didn't feel right if Finn wasn't with her. But now? Now she was home. He was her home._

She crept out of the room, clinging to the picture of her and Finn smiling, his lips pressed to her cheek while she laughed. She tiptoed past him, stopping for a moment to kneel in front of him, taking in the tear tracks on his cheeks and the little bit of drool hanging from his mouth. With a small smile, she got up, tucked herself into the blanket on the couch and fell asleep, their picture in her hands.

She heard Finn talking to her and she knew he thought couldn't.

"My baby. My baby girl," Finn whispered brokenly, running his hands through her hair. "You're the love of my life, baby, what am I going to do without you?" The hurt and anxiety in his voice was evident.

'But why would he have to be without me?' Rachel wondered, her breath catching in her throat.

She heard him break down in tears, his body shaking with sobs. "You're going to leave me, you deserve so much better than me," Finn said between tears, answering her unspoken question. "My darling, my life" he mumbled, rubbing his nose against hers, his tears falling onto her face. "My baby, my love," he whispered, peppering kisses all over her face.

"Come to bed with me," Rachel heard him say, unsure if she heard him properly. "I miss you in my arms. I miss you and you're right here and I just miss you and I love you and—" Finn muttered some more unintelligible words, his breath so warm against her face, his lips so soft and light as they kissed every inch of her skin.

Her eyes fluttered open and he paused, his lips on the corner of her mouth.

"Bring me to bed baby." Rachel whispered. His arms wobbly, her lifted her like a baby and she wrapped herself into her naked chest. "My Finn, my sweet, sweet Finn. I would never leave you, my love." Rachel cooed, her lips planting sweet kisses all over his chest, listening to his erratic heartbeat.

He laid her down and rushed to snuggle beside her, stroking her hair as she stroked his cheek.

"I love you, Finn. So, so much."

"I love you too, my baby. I love you too."

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What do you guys think? Do you love it or hate it? I have a few ideas for more chapters so lemme know if you want more! Reviews are appreciated & they make my heart flutter xo


	4. Chapter 4 - she acts like summer

Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me and the chapter title is from Train's 'Drops of Jupiter'

I kind of tried a different writing style for this, lemme know what you guys think of it.

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iv

_ she acts like summer and walks like rain_

He woke up to soft lips peppering kisses all over his face but he didn't open his eyes, instead savoring the feeling of the lips floating gently across his face – from his eyelids, to his temples, the tip of his nose, each freckle on his cheek, the permanent marks his dimples left on him, his chin. Through each kiss, he lay there, concentrating on just how good this felt and was there ever a time when he thought he could really live fully without this? Finn thought back, remembering junior year when he broke up with her because he needed to find his 'inner rock star' or whatever. How stupid had he been? Because now?

Now he knew that he couldn't be Finn Hudson without Rachel Berry. He wasn't whole when he wasn't with her. They got into fights, every couple did. He didn't know how they were going to get past this one but he knew they would. They could get through anything because they were Finn and Rachel. Finn knew that at McKinley, people thought he was just the stupid jock. A nice guy, for sure, but just a stupid idiot who couldn't tell his rights from his lefts. And up until Rachel he had really, truly believed them. He remembered how it surprised Rachel when he told her that.

_He stroked her hair between his fingers, playing with the soft strands while he watched her watch 'Funny Girl.' He watched the way she moved her lips along to whatever Barbra was saying. He watched the way her eyes widened at her favorite parts. He watched her chest move up and down with every breath she took. _

_"Rach," Finn called out softly, risking getting yelled at because this was Funny Girl an—_

_"Finn! Shush!" Yeah, he knew that was gonna happen but he really wanted to talk about what was on his mind and grilled cheesus, he sounded like a girl… he was turning into her. "Sorry," he mumbled, his voice breaking, his emotions making themselves evident even though he was pretty sure at this point, he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Funny Girl was obviously more important to Rachel than he goddamn boyfriend was. And yeah, he was mad. Because he felt like he was always coming in second place to Broadway. _

_He knew she felt his body stiffen and pull away from hers. He knew she felt his hands drop from her hair. And he knew she was gonna turn around at any secon-. _

_"Finn? What's wrong?" Did he know this girl or what? He kept his eyes away from her gaze because he didn't want to get sucked into that weird spell she put him under every single time they made eye contact. Was that even normal? Did other couples feel this way?_

_"Nothin'," Finn muttered, pulling himself off of her bed and feeling that burning gaze of hers on his back. He grabbed his McKinely football jacket off of her desk chair and turned to face her. "I gotta go." He got closer to her, still not making eye contact and kissed her cheek chastely and leaving her confused and speechless, he hurried out of the room, jumped into his car and drove off. _

_He knew that it wasn't her that he was mad at. Well, at least he figured it out while he was driving. It wasn't her, obviously not, because she really hadn't done a single thing and she was willing to listen to him but he just left and wow, now he looked like a tool. Shit. So why was he mad? Simple._

_He was a fucking idiot._

_Everyone knew it too. He knew what they said behind his back. Yeah, people liked him and whatever and that was cool but he knew people just thought he was that 'nice guy' not that 'nice guy that's also kinda smart.' They thought he was dumb. A head full of air. Good for nothing. A Lima loser. He knew they thought his relationship with Rachel was a joke – that one day he was just gonna leave her, date Quinn again (he still didn't understand why people thought he would get back together with somebody who cheated on him with his best friend and had Puck's baby) end up marrying and having children with Quinn, and then staying in Lima to work in Burt's shop. They all thought he wasn't good enough for Rachel. Everybody bullied her and teased her and hated her but he knew they were just jealous of her because she was a star and she was going somewhere with her life. And he knew everybody thought he definitely wasn't part of that whole plan. _

_And that's what pissed him off the most. Because he felt like nothing. He felt like that stupid Lima loser everybody thought he was. He felt like they were right, he wasn't good enough for Rachel. He felt like maybe he should just stay in Lima and work at Burt's shop and marry some random Lima girl and just leave Rachel alone because dumbass him was just holding her back and she didn't need distractions like him. She was gonna be famous one day, with like, 8 Tony Awards and an awesome, good looking husband with a great voice and amazing dance moves and maybe one day she would look at Finn's picture and she wouldn't even remember much about him. She wouldn't feel that spark anymore but it would be okay because she would be happy and not distracted but he would still be here, in Lima, looking at her picture and feeling like he couldn't stop loving her and fuck, he hated himself. He had no idea who he was and he felt like shit and he just wanted to go home and cry and not even be manly about it because he knew how his life was gonna go and there was nothing manly about it._

_ So that's exactly what he did. He ran through the doors of his house, quickly said hi to his mom, stripped his clothes off and sobbed into his pillow thinking of the amazing, joy-filled life the love of his life was going to have without him one day. Thinking about everything he regretted – dating Quinn, having sex with Santana (he barely remembers that one, he's done so many things to block it out of his mind), yelling at his mom, bullying Kurt, bullying Rachel, breaking up with Rachel… and he just cried and cried until his pillow and his cheeks and his chest were soaked with his tears and he fell asleep, exhausted. _

_ He woke up to Rachel laying down beside him, her clothes off and her body warm against his as she absentmindedly traced patterns on his chest. He felt her lips fluttering against his chest, his neck, his face, his hair, and he just lay there, breathing deeply. _

_"Finn," Rachel whispered. "Tell me what's wrong baby."_

_He didn't say a word, instead turning away from her. He heard her gasp and grab his bicep. He didn't even bother flexing. "My love," Rachel cooed, "Finn, talk to me." The only reaction he had was to cry more because he knew she loved him so god damn much and how was he going to break up with her? He couldn't look at her, he couldn't. _

_"We're over Rachel." _

_He felt her grip on his arm loosen and her body just become… lifeless against his. "What?" Rachel breathed. _

_"Me and you." Finn's voice cracked and how the hell was he going to do this, this was the most stupid mistake of his life and everybody was right, he was just a stupid idiot that deserved to become a Lima loser. "We're done. There's no more us." _

_ He became kind of scared when she didn't utter a word, she only got up, and went on the other side of the bed to face him. He tried closing his eyes before he could see hers but he did see them and there was just too much written in them like heartbrokenness and betrayal and warmth and understanding and couldn't she see how hard this was for him? Couldn't she just leave and never come back and let him grieve for the rest of him life? He watched her rise from her knees and take off his bra and her panties and felt his take the covers off of him and she just laid on top of him, naked, and stared at him. He didn't say a word, only kept his eyes squeezed shut because she was tearing him to pieces and he didn't want to see her naked body because he knew he would picture it for the rest of his life and it would hurt even more, remembering this moment._

_ That was when she spoke. "You're never going to lose me Finn. Ever. I promise." _

_ Finn's eyes shot open because how the fuck did she always read his mind like this? "Yeah Rachel? You promise? I don't believe a word because you know, one day you're going to get out of this shit hole of a town and live in New York City and became famous and win a bunch of fucking Tony's and get married to some hot singer dancer guy who's totally romantic and smart and shit and have kids with him and you'll forget all about me, stupid old fucking Finn stuck in Lima because he's a fucking Lima loser an—"_

_Rachel slapped him right across the face, followed by her body wracking with sobs. "Finn," Rachel cried. "My Finn."_

_He watched her breakdown on his chest. confused out of his mind and just taking her in, ignoring the sensation of her boobs right up against him and her—ignoring ignoring ignoring. _

_She stopped shaking pressed her lips to his, hard, as if this was the last time they would ever kiss. He gave it his all because if this was the last time, he wanted to show her through kisses that she was his world, his everything. _

_"I love you Finn," Rachel said softly. "You are the kindest, funniest, smartest, most gentle, most loving man I have ever met. And I will never leave you. I will never forget about you. I will never stop loving you. I promise you that Finn. I promise." _

_ He broke down in tears again because he just loved her so much an—"Rachel, you can't be with me. You can't. I'm going to distract you and I love you with my life but sometimes love just isn't enough Rach, I need you to be the star you were born to be and it's not—it's not gonna happen if you're with me."_

_Finn watched her sigh heavily and then chuckle humorlessly. "You're coming with my Finn. I will never, ever leave you behind. I swear to you Finn, I swear on Barbra that I will never stop loving you, I will never leave you. You're coming with me Finn." _

_"I'm stupid Rachel." _

_ She looked at him and the sincerity in her eyes said more than her words could and he could feel love just, radiating from her. "You're the wisest man I've ever met. You are so kind, Finn. Yes, maybe you're not an academic genius but think about this Finn—you were going to stay with Quinn when you thought she was having your baby because you would never have left your child. You defended Kurt when he needed you most. Artie is on the football team because of you, Finn! You're still best friends with Noah, even after he got Quinn pregnant. And just now, you were going to sacrifice your happiness for me. You are the most amazing man I have ever known. And you're not stupid at all Finn. You think with your heart. You're perfect." _

_Finn blinked twice, reached up to cup Rachel's smiling face in his hand, and kissed her senseless because he was Finn Hudson and she was Rachel Berry and she was smart enough for the both of them. They balanced each other perfectly. She was smarter, he was stronger. She was shorter, he was taller. They fit together like puzzle pieces. This was it, for life. They were forever. _

He opened his eyes to her still pressing kisses all over him.

"You know I love you so much right? I messed up, but I hope you know, you are my world and I'm not stupid because I was made for you and you won't regret bringing me here, with you. We'll get married someday and have babies and live happily ever after Rach. It's us, forever and ever and ever and ever and I'll never let you go. I promise. I promise Rachel. If there's one thing I know, it's that I was made for you and you were made for me."

He watched her giggle softly and press her lips to his in a gentle kiss.

"I know Finn, I know."

"I love you Rach."

"We still need to talk Finn, you know we do."

He ignored it. "I love you Rachel. I love you to the moon and back and I love the scar on your forehead and your little butt and the way you scrunch your nose and the way you laugh so loudly and the way you moan when your under me—" He watched her face go pink, and he decided to continue. "And I love the way you sing with everything you are, and the way you play with my hair, and how you always buy me shampoo because you know I'll forget, and the way you hug me and it's like you're never going to let me go, and how our hands fit together so perfectly and the curve of your lips and your eyes are so big and bright and I can lost in them and your smile is just-"

"I love you too Finn. Forever and ever and ever and ever."

"And ever?"

"And ever."

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**Reviews are love! Thank you all for the support, it means so much to me. Can't wait for the next chapter when Finchel will talk about what's going on! **

**I LOVE YOU CORY AND YOUR DIMPLED SMILE AND WARM EYES AND FRECKLED NOSE AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH**


	5. Chapter 5 - baby i'm amazed by you

To Cory.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee & the chapter title is from Amazed by Lonestar

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**baby i'm amazed by you**

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They woke up with their hands intertwined. It was unusual because usually she was the first one up, starting the day bright and early and he woke up to the smell of bacon or pancakes or whatever she surprised him with. But today, his eyes were the first to open.

And he was grateful for it.

He stared at the beautiful woman lying beside him – how lucky was he to call her _his_? - and watched her chest rise and fall, the swell of her breasts slowly moving with every soft breath she took. He watched her eyelids flutter in her sleep and her nose scrunch slightly, her mouth beginning to frown, her breathing becoming labored. Was she thinking about me? Was she thinking about how much I hurt her? Finn grabbed her hand gently and rubbed the space between her thumb and index finger in slow circles, the way he knew she loved it. He watched her features soften and her sleep became peaceful. She was so beautiful, she was so perfect, and she was his. Yet he had hurt her. How could he hurt her like he did?

_She rolled over on the couch and her eyes fluttered open, meeting his wide, cinnamon colored eyes. The corner of her mouth lifted into a smug smirk._

_"Were you watching me sleep Mr. Hudson?"_

_He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment, "That's creepy Rach, I wouldn't—" Finn was interrupted when her lips crashed into his, surprising him with a passionate, wet kiss. She pulled back quickly and grinned when she saw his flustered, glazed over look. _

_"Finn, baby. Were you watching me sleep?"_

_He smiled, his dimples prominent in his cheeks. "I totally was, babe." Her laugh rung out and it was so beautiful and musical he had to start laughing too. _

He felt her grip tighten on his hand and watched as her eyelids began to open, taking on a look of shock when she was greeted with his face so close to hers, their noses touching. "Good morning," Finn whispered, gently placing his forehead on hers. "Morning," Rachel whispered back, a small smile on her face.

"Were you watching me sleep Finn?" His heart leaped at the glimmer in her eyes because he knew she remembered that moment that was so close to his heart.

He rolled on top of her, taking the stark white sheets with them. Her watched her grin; he knew she secretly loved feeling his weight on her. When they had first gotten together he was scared, no, _terrified, _that he would crush her because he was just so big and she was so tiny and delicate and fragile. But he realized it quickly, that she loved being under him in more ways than one. She loved feeling his chest on top of her, their hearts pounding in sync. She loved seeing his face right on top of hers, whether his mouth was shaped like an 'o' or he was just smiling, gazing at her. He knew she liked it because he knew her so damn well. Every single one of her smiles, every single of her cries, of her screams, of her everything.

She was his person.

A soft voice interrupted his thoughts. "What are you thinking about Finn?" Warm eyes met dark ones and she looked worried. Trying to convey all his love for her he placed his mouth beside her ear.

"You."

Finn felt her shiver underneath him. "What about me?"

"Everything about you. The fact that you're, you know, you're my person."

He heard her take in a sharp breath and a lump formed in his throat. She slid out from underneath his body, sitting in front of him with the white sheets around her, contrasting so beautifully with that dark hair. He looked at the woman in front of him, her exotic olive skin, her long dark eyelashes, her blinking soulful eyes, her plump pink lips, her unique nose, her cheekbones – he brushed his index finger over her cheek, tracing the high bone. He closed his eyes and felt her smile and lift herself slightly off the bed to kiss his cheek. He grinned at her and she smiled back shyly, reminding him of the 15-year-old girl he fell in love with all those years ago.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, Rach?"

"What do you mean when you say I'm your person? Because I need to know Finn. I know you love me, even after everything's that happened, but I need to know."

Finn swallowed the lump in his throat, eyeing her because how did she _not_ know what he meant when he said that? "Really, babe? You really don't know?"

Rachel was surprised at the hurt, the softness in his voice. But, no, she didn't really know, and she told him so.

His eyes sparkled and they were so beautiful, he was so beautiful, she cupped his cheek just to remind herself that this was real, _he_ was real, and he was hers. She watched his eyes flutter close, and her let his cheek press into her palm, savoring the feel of her hand on him. He smiled gently at her, watching her watch him.

"It means that I can't picture my life with you. That since the moment I met you, I knew you were something different, something special. It means that I can feel how much you love me, just with the feel of your hand on mine. That one day soon, I want to marry you and kiss you on the altar. I want you to be the mother of my children because when I close my eyes and picture my future, you're there, carrying two perfect little babies that are the perfect combination of us and—" Finn wiped a tear off of her soft cheek with his thumb. "It's like, I'm so in love with you and every day I fall even more in love with you. I wake up next to you, and I know I want to do this every for the rest of my life. I want to grow old and wrinkly with you and I want—I want to hear you complain when I leave my shoes in the hallway instead of in the closet. I just, I'm so in love with you Rach, I—"

He's cut off when her lips press into his gently and it's like he can feel the love for him she has, he can feel the forgiveness. She pulls back slowly and watches his face, as if she's waiting for a reaction and he only smiles softly.

"I should have eloped with you when you mentioned in back in high school."

Her face blazed crimson and her hands rose up to cover her eyes quickly. "I thought I told you to never mention that again!"

"I would do it you know," Finn laughed, pulling her body into his. "I would marry you right now."

"So do it," Rachel whispered, her eyes lowered. He pressed their bodies together tightly. "You're mad at me," he whispered. Her eyes rose to meet his.

"You're my person, Finn."

Their lips crashed together.

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EDIT: Something happened when I saved this story so it got all messed up and didn't make sense; sorry about that! Here's the good copy (haha) And I'm holding off the Finchel talk for this chapter but all the feels are coming out next chapter


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